Why Masturbation Hurts Your Relationships

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Masturbation is labeled as the safest sex possible, despite that it’s not actually sex.

The idea is that you satisfy your sexual urges solo—you know… so you don’t boil over and go on a molesting spree. Pop culture doesn’t give us a middle route. You either express your sexuality physically, or you repress it and go insane. So, if we’re not in a romantic relationship, we must masturbate. It’s practically a civic duty.

But there’s one critical flaw in masturbation that, if you want to be successful in relationships, will defeat your aims. Masturbation is inherently selfish.

No matter how you go about it, masturbation will always be selfish. You never do it because you’re so in love with yourself that you have to show yourself the depths of your love in the most intimate way possible. You do it because you want a release, an escape ; you want a hit of the most pleasurable sensation we can organically experience. It’s like crack. But when you masturbate, you learn to associate sex, which is supposed to sustain relationships and create families–an inherently selfless endeavor–, with pure self pleasure.

That’s why sex and self-pleasure do not mix.

Pleasure’s great—don’t get me wrong. But when you use your body as a means to a pleasurable end, you’re training yourself to use your future spouse for sexual gratification; and that directly interferes with your ability to serve them selflessly and to love them unconditionally—for who they are, for the love they deserve, and not for what you want from them.

If you train yourself to channel your sexual desire through personal improvement, however, and prayer, and selfless acts, you will prepare yourself to be an unconditionally loving partner—one who is so disciplined, and so capable of sacrifice that no temptation will prevent you from loving your spouse as he or she deserves. That’s how you earn your bliss in life and in relationships.

So…how do you actually master your desire, and use it for good?

It’s a lifestyle and habit of mindfulness.

First, set a limit: no genital touching for a month. (Start small.) Then remind yourself to ask yourself this simple question whenever you experience sexual desire–“What do I really need to be doing?”

When you ask this question, you realize there’s a TON of things that will actually improve your life and make you happy. In my experience, masturbation has never been one of them. But working has—praying too, and self improvement, acting towards my goals, being useful to other people…you get the point. Once I stopped using masturbation as an escape, I magically found the focus to confront my weaknesses and to do what I needed to live out my dreams.

If you aren’t where you want to be in life, if you’ve flailed and flopped in bad romance, you might be willing to make this logical change to get where you want to be. At the very least, more discipline and more self-control can’t hurt ya 😉

Written by Daniel Dowling
Hi! I'm Dan, founder of Millennial Success. When I'm not getting six-packed--that's "hit in the face" in beach volleyball--or reading Jane Austen's novels for the fifth time, I'm helping people make every day a breakthrough as a writer and coach.