By Mariam Qizilbash

One of my favourite things to do is to sit with my Mom and listen to stories from her childhood.  Whether she’s regaling me about the time she and my aunt hid in the bushes and wiggled ties onto the road–scaring the bikers into thinking the ties were snakes!–or simply the fact that all the neighborhood kids would stay out and play until the sun set every single day, I’m always bewildered by how simple her life was compared to today.

“We didn’t have any cell phones or TV,” she says. “But we had our imaginations, so we were happy.”

I used to think it was impossible to recapture the beautiful simplicity of my Mom’s childhood, so I didn’t even try. I spent four hours a day on whatsapp and instagram, and my social calendar was so jam-packed that I double-booked more often than not. I thought I was just your average twenty-something professional. But as I approached thirty, my calendar began filling up almost as fast as my happiness disappeared, I decided to do something pretty radical…

I started saying no to pretty much everything.

And how you spend a day is the same way you spend a month — “Ah, I just didn’t feel that motivated.”

And how you spend a month is the same way you spend a year — “Where the hell did it just go?”

Learn how to make this year really count by taking control of your hours

Even though social media has become an all-day every-day affair for us, it’s kind of like some countries having culturally acceptable rape or incest: “normal”… but prehhh-ty effed up. Studies are showing that we’re so distracted by our phones—social media being the dominant app used—that we’re literally mentally handicapped just by having our phones in eyesight.

“Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” Antoine de Saint Exupery

If the average person added just one habit for their New Year’s resolutions, every single person would be happy—given that their good habits outweigh the bad, of course. Because happiness and success isn’t so much a factor of what you add. It’s about the junk you subtract.

Find out how limiting booze, social media, and BS relationships will make you successful this year!

Neomania, defined as an obsession with the new, is a hallmark of millennial culture. You won’t find it in the dictionary, but you’ll see it in the faces of everyone waiting for the next iPhone or Android. You might even catch it in the reflection of your smart phone as you scroll through the news.

Neomaniacs find it difficult, if not impossible, to stick with anything. They bounce from job to job, town to town and bed to bed, always hungry for the next conquest. They are never fulfilled. But there’s one spot they’re conspicuously absent from — the upper echelons of entrepreneurship.

Are you struggling to find your entrepreneurial stride? Here are five signs that you need to tone down your neomania — and five steps to cure it.

1. You check the news first thing in the morning.

Neomaniacs prefer news over reflection. Successful entrepreneurs are the opposite. Reflection is a basic human need, right up there with food and water. You get hungry for reflection because you need it to make smart decisions. But it’s common to mistake that hunger for a need to feed on more information.

2. You’ve had more partners than you can count.

The obsession over the new isn’t limited to information. Most neomaniacs are also helpless romantics, preferring a series of shallow dalliances over a solid relationship.

3. You’ve spent more money than you’ve made on get-rich-quick schemes.

Neomaniacs’ ears perk up when they hear the latest marketing scheme. They’ll buy into anything that will distract them from sticking with what they’ve started. *Get rich quick schemes don’t work.

4. You spend more than an hour on social media each day.

Social media is a neo-pacifier. There’s always something new to distract you from doing what you need to do.

5. You’re a job-hopper.

Neos pretend that their lack of job satisfaction has something to do with their job. But if you take pride in your work, and you do it well, you will always find satisfaction. According to legend, the 2nd Zen Master washed grains of rice for 10 years straight. How boring could your job possibly be?

What your millennial self can do.

Obsessing over the new doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If you focus on doing one thing in new ways, you can put a positive spin on neomania and become an expert at anything you set your mind to.

I know so much about neomania because I was the biggest neomaniac I knew. I couldn’t stick with the same job or girlfriend for longer than a few months. My days consisted of scanning Facebook, email and the news for something to occupy my mind.

But then I started my writing career. I channeled my love for the new into finding new ways to write better, and to share my story. And within two years, I managed to create a career while shedding my old, neomaniacal habits.

Here are five tips that helped me make the transition:

1. Meditate.

Through meditation, I retrained my brain to sort through what I already knew. I’d sit quietly and observe my thoughts, noting my desire to check email or Facebook. Then I’d refuse the impulse, choosing instead to direct my focus towards gratitude or self-acceptance.

If you sit quietly for 10-20 minutes daily — no phone, no computer — you’ll learn how to synthesize new things from the information you already have. Steve Jobs was a meditator for this reason.

2. Limit your news intake.

I vividly remember a college lunchbreak in 2013 where I whipped out my phone and instinctively clicked to a media site. But for some reason I stopped, and asked if I actually needed to do what I wanted. The answer was no.

From that point on, I taught myself to ask that question every time I wanted to surf the web or read the news. Now I don’t read the news at all, and I find myself no less informed than anyone else. But I do find myself achieving more in my career than most people. Coincidence?

Related: How to Get Your Motivation on At Work

3. Limit social media to 10 minutes a day.

Social media has its purpose. But if your job title doesn’t include social media, you don’t need to spend more than 10 minutes a day on it. Any more than that will start a feedback loop of neomania.

4. Read a lot on one subject.

A funny paradox is that the more you know, the more you become aware of your ignorance. That’s why Grandmasters can study chess or kung-fu in their 80s with the same zeal as in their 20s.

If your quality of life has been degraded by a fixation on the new, unlearn that habit by fixating on one subject. Learning all that I could about writing made me appreciate how much I could enjoy doing just one thing. And it helped me unlearn my desire for a constant stream of new.

5. Start a journal.

The more you reflect, the less you’ll feel driven to compulsively seek new information. I unlearned my neomania largely by reflecting on my life with a journal. It became a game. I’d unload my previous day, search out the flaws — the needless repetitions — and plan on doing better the next day. I learned how to make what I already knew work for me in new ways.

You can start journaling by spending 5-10 minutes answering these questions:

• What was I most grateful for today?
• What three things did I do that made today awesome?
• What three things could I do better?
• What will I focus on tomorrow to make it the best day of my life?

Loving new stuff isn’t bad at all. We’re programmed for novelty. But how you act on your desire for novelty is a different story. Some people stretch their attention spans so thin as to be incompetent. And some focus on finding new levels of mastery in a few activities. Which road will you take?
Originally published on Entrepreneur.com

Learn how to be a successful millennial through my coaching program. 

You’re halfway through appetizers at your favorite restaurant when something catches your eye. It’s a baby, no more than three, and he’s navigating an iPad with more proficiency than most adults–and totally ignoring his family. You have to laugh. And though you’re impressed, there’s something not quite right about it…it makes you feel sad.

The sadness comes from your projection of the iBaby’s future.

He’ll spend 90% of his waking hours reacting to social media notifications, emails, and text alerts. His wife won’t know what a romantic dinner is. Colleagues will feel privileged for 5 seconds of uninterrupted eye contact. And the saddest part? His kids will be even worse.

But the iBaby’s story isn’t so different from the millennial generation. Where do we turn to when we’re stressed? When we’re bored? When we’re anxious? When we’re uncertain? Most of us instinctively reach for our pockets and fiddle with a smartphone—almost like Gollum with his “precious”. We don’t really have moments to reflect because we’re constantly responding to some external prompt.

Though the Internet has given us incredible jobs and learning opportunities, most of us suffer more than we benefit. But it’s not the technology itself—it’s our refusal to reflect.

Without reflection, you have no direction

When all our attention is directed outward (TV, phone, computer, etc.), we never know what’s going on inside. And that inner knowledge is the key to finding what makes you happy, what makes you depressed, what makes you excited, and what makes you fulfilled. Reflection gives you the power to control your life.

But without it, you have no direction. You can be the best at your job, make all the money in the world, have the nicest things, and you still won’t feel successful. Or, you could become so distracted that you forget to get off your parent’s couch.

That was my story.

Before 24, I was a slave to technology. My first morning movement wasn’t a stretch—it was an iPhone reach. Instead of reflecting on my dreams or the day before, I reacted to the little red flags on Facebook. Then I escaped in the latest news. The end of the world was always just around the corner.

My days were wasted on things that made me feel important…but I never actually did anything important. 6 years into adulthood, I was no closer to a purpose or career than my 6-year-old self.

Then I realized I’d live with my mom forever if I didn’t change. That thought didn’t bother me when I was younger because the future was always farther off. But now I was almost a quarter century old; my friends had houses and families; my little brother was already the manager of a government agency. The future was now, and I needed to prepare.

How I got into reflection.

Reflection was the thing I always avoided. It was scary because I didn’t know myself, and I was terrified of what I might find. I responded to the fear by diving into porn, social media, videogames, news, girlfriends—anything that could distract me from me.

But the distractions hadn’t gotten me anywhere. I was smart enough to know I couldn’t keep doing the same things and expect different results, so I tried reflection.

After enough research I decided that journaling would be my main tool. If I could describe all of my day in detail, then I could see what was and wasn’t working over time—thoughts, habits, routines, etc. By narrating my life, I knew I could change the narrative.

I spent 15-30 minutes reflecting on my day every night before bed. I wrote down my thoughts from morning to night. I looked into how those thoughts shaped my actions, and how my actions affected my feelings, and how my feelings determined my day.

Far from the nightmare I had expected, journaling was calming. It put me at ease and made me feel peaceful, empowered, confident.

Journaling was my first success ritual.

Thirty days straight gave me insight into my biggest problems. When I realized that my lack of success was simply a bad habit, and not a character trait, my confidence skyrocketed. After three months, I found my first bit of professional success: I got my first full-time writing gig.

Journaling didn’t magically help me land good jobs. But through reflection, I discovered all the thoughts and habits that held me back. One session of reflection didn’t accomplish much. But after just 90 days in a row, the results were astonishing.

I finally had a career. I finally had work I could be proud of. I finally had my own life.

Reflection put a microscope to the little details that were dragging me down. But it also helped me zoom out to see the bigger pieces of success.

I realized that my best friend of 10 years was poison. Despite how much I enjoyed his company, Chad hadn’t helped me become a better person. And it was always the same story with him: same dead-end job, same drinks and cigarettes, same relationship problems.

After half a year of journaling, I knew I had to cut Chad off. My time in reflection helped me figure out that he wasn’t helping me grow. The decision wasn’t easy. But it was the best choice I’ve ever made.

Then the impossible happened. 

After I let go of the dozens of bad habits, and the couple of people that held me back, I started getting freelance clients for a buck a word. I got published on huge websites like MindBodyGreen and Entrepreneur Magazine. I moved out on my own and experienced the struggle of manhood for the first time.

With all my new experience, I was able to create even more value for my audience. Reflection started a positive feedback loop that continues to take me higher and higher.

I’m not immune to distraction. But whenever I have a bad day, I can always pinpoint the extra time spent on Facebook, or the mindless email checks that kept me from doing the important things. Nightly journaling is a safety net that prevents my mistakes from becoming habits.

I just wish I had started reflecting 10 years earlier.

How you can use reflection to take charge of your life

No matter where you are today, no matter what you’ve done, you can take charge of your life with reflection.

First, eliminate distractions. Cut out Facebook, email, toxic people, bad relationships, puttering around, negative thinking, texting, and surfing the Internet—anything that keeps you from knowing you better.

Then start a nighty habit of reflection. I recommend journaling because it helps you to stay on task, whereas with meditation, you can kind of float off into the abyss. Not knocking meditation, but I’d save that until after a few months of journaling.

Write about your entire day, no matter how boring or uninspiring it may be. You have to start somewhere. Journaling is less about what you write down and more about what you learn.

Once you see the toxic thoughts and habits on the page, you’ll be able to change them. Then you can cut out even more distractions and low-value habits, and replace them with even more things that make you happy and rich.

Continue the practice every night; do it for a month. Then, when you’ve reached your next level of success, you’ll commit to journaling every night for the rest of your life. At least, that’s how it happened with me.

Reflection was the key that got me off my parent’s couch and into the career I love. It will work for you.

Article originally published on MindBodyGreen.com