Here’s Why 27-Year Old Men Save Their Dad’s Voicemails

I keep my Dad’s voicemails. When I’m feeling down, sometimes I play them back: one, two, three times maybe. It gives me comfort to hear his voice. I think of the whisker burns he gave me as a kid; I think of the good times. And even though he left my Mom, and even though I had to work out a ton of shit he handed down to me, I still have this insanely untarnished admiration for him. I’ll never not want to have a relationship with him. He’s my Dad.

I cherish every second I spend talking to my Dad. Hearing his voice transports me to a place of peace. But now I’m thinking…if our relationship is this meaningful to me now, with all of the constraints of neglect and suffering, how much better could it be for me and for him? And, zooming out, what if every father and son did the best they could to strengthen their natural bond? How much more secure would we be as men? as communities? as families? as nations?

How to be the best Dad (and man) you can be

 If you ever plan on having sex, I want you think of the bond you’ll have with your future sons and daughters. Through the act of sex, are you guaranteeing a father who will go to the ends of the earth in order to bring them joy, and who can be depended on to strengthen their sacred bond? Are you at such a level in your self improvement and in the development of your relationship that you can make that promise?
 
I’m sure as heck not. And that’s why I’m working as hard as I can on being the right man–not on finding the right girl. Because if it’s meant to be, it’s going to be; there’s nothing I can do to change that. So, until I meet my wife, I’m putting all of my energy—sexual and otherwise–into becoming the best version of me: the one who can be depended on by his wife and kids.
I’m lonely often. My temptations are extreme. But as I continue along my path, I’m guaranteed to become the best and most useful version of me that I can be. I’m also guaranteeing my son that he’ll have every bit of me that he deserves. I’m promising him that I cherish our bond, and I’m demonstrating to him in advance how much I respect it. 
 

What are you doing with your sexual desire?

Next time you have the urge to masturbate, watch porn, or hook up with someone, I want you to ask yourself these questions:

  • What haven’t I accomplished?
  • How could I better myself right now?
  • What things could I do right now to be the most selfless and loving and successful husband and father I can be?
  • How powerful is my desire for sexual pleasure? Is that more powerful than my desire to be the right man for my family?
  • Am I willing to deny my temporary sexual wants in order to build a lasting future?
  • How can I creatively channel this urge into improving myself enough to be valuable to others?
  • What goals am I working toward?
  • If I could direct my sexual energy into living out my dreams, would it be worth sacrificing temporary sexual gratification? (If not…your dreams aren’t big enough).
  • And (lastly)–what would make me proud of myself in this moment?

For me, the answer to that last question is never to play with myself… (I’ve lived that life, and I wasn’t proud of who I was, or of my nonexistent accomplishments….) The answer is writing, or planning for my future, or reading, or in any way to do the best I can.

When I’m mindful f my sexuality, and when I ask myself the right questions, I guide myself to become the best version of me. And that’s what has made my life worth living; it’s what has made my writing worth sharing; it’s what has given me independence through my dream job.

So now it’s time for the most important question of all….

Will you have the courage to take the hard path?

Written by Daniel Dowling