“I feel like there’s something wrong with me,” she said. “I mean everyone else is married or in a serious relationship. Then there’s me: twenty-nine and single, depressed. There has to be something wrong with me, right?”
Masturbation is labeled as the safest sex possible, despite that it’s not actually sex.
The idea is that you satisfy your sexual urges solo—you know… so you don’t boil over and go on a molesting spree. Pop culture doesn’t give us a middle route. You either express your sexuality physically, or you repress it and go insane. So, if we’re not in a romantic relationship, we must masturbate. It’s practically a civic duty.
But there’s one critical flaw in masturbation that, if you want to be successful in relationships, will defeat your aims. Masturbation is inherently selfish.
Most relationships start on a pretty shaky idea: that you can be happy in a couple when you weren’t happy alone. It doesn’t add up, and it never works out. Instead of growing in happiness, we magnify each other’s insecurities and take from each other until there’s nothing left. This always leaves us heartbroken and even unhappier than we were starting out.
This is especially a problem for the pornified and relationship-crazy millennial generation.
The only solution is to become so secure in yourself and so on fire for your own life that you don’t need another person to feel whole. That way you can hold out for someone who’s worth a damn and love them for who they are–not for what you think you need from them. Here’s how I did that while finding more success than I ever imagined possible.